Journals from Substitute Teaching

Academic cheating and knowing your potential

The purpose of cheating is to acquire personal gain unfairly by taking advantage of a situation. I find the idea of cheating to be intriguing. As I sit and watch a group of high school fresh-man take a test, I wonder the importance of such an act. Somewhere in their lives they feel pressured into believing that the grade instead of the knowledge was more the important.

It’s interesting to me to see the fail in our society when we “test” to measure knowledge when we really should re-examine the idea of knowledge and how it is used. How important is it for an adult to know who won the first civil war in early Roman Empire? Are there better ways to extract what children know verses what they can memorize?

The question of knowledge verses potential has haunted me from an early age. Though I now feel I was an un-diagnosed ADD dyslexic; I was told I am “gifted” I was put on a path of higher learning. “Higher learning” that some how I had the potential to be pushed to the mental limit. However this label as they are now called could have been the stress that drove me to my current form of insanity.

I feel that how you label a child affects their entire life. Sometimes for the better in my case which can drive a student to succeed. Then there are the children that are labeled as problems. They can never achieve a high level of success because they are convinced they can’t. My dad told me the story of how circus elephants are trained. As a very young elephant the trainer will tie it to a heavy object that it cannot move. As it grows it gets strong enough to move this object but is already convinced it can not break free because of it’s early training. I think this is true with children as well.

Now my original question was to answer why some students cheat. To be honest I have cheated. I have painful memories of second grade, which I struggle to recall. I once had a spelling test that I knew I would fail. (I have always despised spelling) So I took my spelling word list carefully placed in my desk drawer and thought I would cleverly open my drawer to reveal the answers. I can’t now remember if I passed that test of got caught. I just remember the reason. I was afraid. I feared a bad grade and then the consequences. I chose to cheat instead of asking for help. At the time I didn’t understand the importance of knowledge verses potential. I didn’t have the knowledge to achieve my potential.

There must be countless reasons why students would cheat, out of fear, out of jealousy, or possibly frustration. For me it wasn’t until I finally realized the excitement and accomplishment experienced after working toward a goal and then completely it that I realized the importance of potential. It is less significant to know everything in the world that it is to have the desire to learn everything in the world.

Aggression and Intimidation

Boys and men are aggressive by nature; it’s the testosterone. They can be very earth. Girls are different they show aggression in a unique way. They stare, they whisper, they spread rumors in order to breakdown their opponent. In terms of Sun-Tzu; they are very water. (like how I’m using my martial arts terminology?)
It is hard for a single individual to stand against a force of people trying to break the your spirit. One needs to be strong in their convictions and create a thick skin that is impenetrable.

In high school I was easily intimidated by other girls, they made me feel weak and worthless. I struggled to make girl-friends. Now I look back and wonder why these girl’s opinions were so important to me, but I also realize that compliance and the ability to “fit in” was a tool I lacked. My whole existence has been focused around being unique. I was born differently and should be proud to stand-out. The ordinary is weak and pathetic. It is an excuse to not think, to go with the flow of the crowd, have decisions made for you; to be told what is correct instead of exploring your own truth. At the same time it is amazing to feel included into a social framework. To know people value your opinion to be trusted and loved; it is a wonderful experience. Individuals must strike a balance between being strong in your convictions and being open to new ideas but also tolerance for those around you.

Though I cannot change my past, I will learn that I am beautiful; I am special and exactly the way I should be. I should forget the ones lost in their own mind-numbing selfish path and focus on creating a meaningful life for myself. I would like to end with this prayer “please help me to access: the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (life, other people), the courage and willingness to change the things I can (me, my own attitudes and behaviors), and the wisdom and clarity to know the difference.”